 ...that you will look at the movies they showed at B-Fest 2002. I always like to look at the schedule but some like to go "Stud B-Fest": which is where you watch B-Fest without ever looking at the schedule. That's HARD CORE! The links lead you to the Internet Movie Database which has more info about he movies. "Crawling Eye"- Featuring a huge eye with tentacles that terrifies a mountain laboratory. The heroes combat it by throwing molotov cocktails in the eye. We combat the movie by throwing bad eye puns at the screen. "Gymkata"- HALL OF FAME PICK! Olympic Medalist Kurt Thomas sells his soul to this action movie which has him running into gymnastic equipment at most opportune moments! "Battlefield Earth"- Recent John Travolta movie is pretty grim...fun in parts but mostly loud and oppressive. Barry Pepper tries his heart out but all for naught. "What is Communism" Always a favorite short. DIRTY! GODLESS! UNDERHANDED! Turning into a B-Fest fixture.
"Coffy" - FUTURE HALL OF FAME PICK! Blacksploitation starring Pam Grier who enacts vengance on drug dealers. This couldv'e been the best on this year. Tagline: They call her Coffy and she'll cream you! "Hardware Wars" - The earliest of Star Wars parodies (and probably the most famous.) Funny now mostly for nostalgia... "Message From Space (Uchu kara no messej)" - Terrible, uncomprehensible Star Wars knock off featuring Vic Morrow dressed as a space pimp. Fairly entertaining but long at the end. "Can Hieronymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness" - This year's version of Greaser's Palace. Strange, allegorical '60s freak out movie...that has Milton Bearle (who plays "Goodtime Eddie Filth") in it for some reason. "Test Tube Babies" - A "shocking" docudrama about a couple has been trying to have child to no avail. Their family doctor suggests that they think about artificial insemination, which at the time was considered a scandalous choice. "Breakin'" - FUTURE HALL OF FAME PICK! Hilarious, cliche-ridden prototype '80s breakdancing movie. Starring Turbo, Ozone, and Special K. Tagline: For the break of your life! Push it to pop it! Rock it to lock it! Break it to make it. "Slime People" - A "Mystery Science Theater 3000" favorite. Watch out for the Wall of Fog! "The Corpse Grinders" - Seen it before...low, low grade '60s horror with a cat that gets hooked on human flesh put in cat food. Tagline: The Corpse Grinders turn bones and flesh into screaming, savage blood death! "The Lonely Lady" - Never seen it before. Slept through it. Maybe next year. "The Mummy (1959)"- Hammer films does it again with this British take on an old favorite starring Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. Tagline: Fear will freeze you when you face the Mummy! "Tarantula"- Suprisingly good for a '50s B-horror movie with a giant tarantula that looks halfway scary.Tagline: Giant spider strikes! Crawling terror 100 feet high! "Godzilla 2000"- Modern Toho version of Godzilla that ROCKS compared to lame american version that came out a few years ago.Tagline: Get ready to crumble.
back to top |
 My Hall of Fame B-Fest Lineup Like all "Best Ever" lists, this one will spark much debate. Here is a sampling of past B-Fest movies that are head and shoulders below the rest: 1) Plan 9 From Outer Space - Nuff Said! 2) The Creeping Terror- This one hasn't been shown since 1991 because a good print of is impossible to find. It used to be as popular as Plan 9, as half the audience got on-stage under blankets imitating the monster and the other half imiitated the twist-dancers about to be attacked. Most of the soundtrack was lost during filming, so voice-over narration prevails. 3) Glen or Glenda - Ed Wood's companion piece to Plan 9, this has got it all. Stock footage, angora, Bela narrarating, and even Ed Wood himself! "Bevare! Bevare!" 4) Invasion of the B-Girls - An audience favorite, they enjoy buzzing along when the b-girls attack their prey (which they kill by using sex.) 5) Kingdom of the Spiders - William Shatner stars in this thiller about a small town taken over by small spiders. Great theme song. 6) Beyond the Valley of the Dolls- Roger Ebert's first and last screenplay is Russ Meyer-ified in this '60s orgy of music, hedonism and drugs. "This is my happening and it FREAKS ME OUT!" 7) Gymkata- Olympic Medalist Kurt Thomas sells his soul to this action movie which has him running into gymnastic equipment at most opportune moments! 8) Destroy All Monsters- In the year 1999, all the Earth's giant monsters (Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, Angilas and Minya, among others) are incarcerated on Monster Island. Aliens release the beasts and send them to trample the cities of our world. Truly awe-inspiring. 9) Robot Monster- Guys in gorrila suits with diving helmets wipe out the entire human race except for one picnicking family and spend the whole movie trying to kill them with a bubble machine. 10) Wizard of Speed and Time- See Chef's Selection. More favorites will be added soon! |
