#489

Impressions: When I was in first grade, I would avoid getting beaten up by older kids by drawing pictures of the KISS on other kids’ folders and textbook covers. I vividly recall referencing photos in magazines of KISS members rocking outlandish costumes, having pet tigers, crazy pyrotechnics at shows or shooting fire and/or blood out of their mouths onstage. It all seemed so larger than life. I was too young to buy their records so I never actually heard the band play any music– I just knew their makeup patterns and outfits for my drawing. It wasn’t until later when they took off their makekup and released “Lick It Up” that I heard their music. I was stunned to hear how lame it was…Okay, let’s put on the album. Well, “Detroit Rock City” is pretty good meatheaded rock ‘n’ roll. Sometimes they sneak some meaty riffs in there, but without the visuals, these guys have lame voices, middling mid-tempo chugging rhythms, and some of the dumbest lyrics imaginable. Sometimes they break up the monotony with some crazy arangements, like the Bowie rip-off “Great Expectations” and their hit ballad, “Beth,” but this album on its own without the visuals, the merchandising, and the pet tiger, misses me. To be fair, I’m sure this stuff sounds better live, and I don’t fault anyone for enjoying this, but for the most part Gene Simmons himself summed them up: “We’re not a great rock band. The musicianship is average, maybe even below, but in a year we’re going to be the biggest band in the world.”

Rating: ★1/2